A Reddit user (27F) shares her frustration with her family about the financial strain of buying Christmas gifts. Despite explaining multiple times that she can’t afford gifts for nearly 40 people, her family insisted on gift exchanges with high spending limits.
After her family ignored her, she sarcastically informed them that they would be receiving ramen noodles as gifts. This led to her being removed from the family group chat and called an asshole. She wonders if her response was too harsh. Read the original story below to see how this situation unfolded.
‘ AITA for telling my family they will be getting ramen noodles for Christmas?’
I (27) female have a son (4y M) and we just moved into our first apartment this past September. After saving for almost 4 years and working 3 jobs, we were finally able to get our own place. However, like last year, we can not afford to get everyone gifts.
This year is especially difficult as I am not even sure how I am going to get my son anything, and I have a list of almost 37-40 people total in immediate family that I typically have to get gifts for.
In the past, I have tried suggesting doing secret Santa’s, which everyone seemed to go for, however they would want to do a separate gift exchange after which almost defeats the purpose of doing a secret Santa. Not to mention the limit is typically set to almost $100, which I just simply can not do.
I’ve tried to explain before that I can’t afford to keep doing this and for everyone to just not get me anything, but it’s always met with an awkward conversation of “Oh, well you only have to spend $5 it’s not that much”. And no matter how much I saw I can’t, it doesn’t seem to register.
So this year, my family started sharing what they all want for Christmas, and I again said I can’t do Christmas and to please not include me or my son as we won’t be able to get anyone anything. It was met with the same response, so I simple said ok.
Then, as everyone was sending their ideas in our group chat, I sent over the following,” Hi everyone! I have said a couple times that I can’t afford to do Christmas this year, however, it seems there has been some confusion as to what that means.
So, just to make everyone aware, you will be receiving ramen noodles as that is what I can give. Kindly send the flavor of your choice, otherwise the flavor will be given at random.”
Not even five minutes after I sent the message, I was removed from the group and got a bunch of messages saying that I was an a**hole and should have just said nothing. I don’t know what else I can do and frankly, I’m at a point where I’m too depressed to care. So, am I the a**hole?
These are the responses from Reddit users:
SoMoistlyMoist − Buying gifts for 40 people is insane anyway. With extended family we all just draw names and we have a $25 limit.
I mean each parent buys for their own kids but when you draw a name that’s the only other person you have to buy for. It doesn’t seem like your family knows what the spirit of Christmas is about. Sounds like just give me gifts or you’re an a**hole.
Emma3190 − NTA – Your family shouldn’t be guilting you into buying gifts when you’ve already explained that you can’t participate in that way, you also have offered a more cost effective option. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, I’m sure life is hectic enough without worrying about this.
If you want to maybe defuse the situation a bit (which you don’t have to) it may be worth texting and saying that you didn’t mean to cause offense but the sentiment still stands; you can’t afford to give gifts and you’d appreciate not being guilted then ostracised as a result.
billlumberg363 − NTA. You told them you don’t have the money. Buy your kid presents and forget the rest of them.
TheOfficeoholic − “My apologies but my current financial situation does not allow me to participate this year. I wish I could but I simply do not have the money to afford it. I really hope you can all understand. Love you all”.
A tip: Also not sure where you live but my town and surrounding towns have facebook groups called “pay it forward” or “pay nothing” or “buy nothing” and people will post items, sometimes new or gently used that someone else can use.
Before the holidays people clean out their kids stuff and post enough toys to fill a d**p truck. No shame in claiming items your son will enjoy!
Away-Librarian1218 − There are organizations to help get gifts for your son. Look into Santa’s Helpers, some YMCAs and YWCA. I’m not sure if the deadline passed for Operation Santa.
ProfileElectronic − Coal. I would have quietly sent all of them coal.
UnPracticed_Pagan − NTA – but your family really sucks. It’s probably unsolicited advice on my part but I would stop participating in giving gifts to ALL 37-40+ members.
It’s not feasible for you, and that’s okay, don’t listen to family g**lighting you into stressing out further financially to demand they get gifts when Christmas is supposed to be about giving out of kindness and not expectation. Don’t even give them the damn ramen noodles, use that money to get your son a small but nice gift.
He’s young enough where I guarantee one toy and then the memories you make of the day will far outweigh a whole Christmas tree of presents My family doesn’t do gifts for adults (with exception of spouses and maybe mom/dad), kids only.
If you still have 10-20+ kids and that’s still not feasible that’s okay, just worry about your son. At the end of the day; he’s your family now and everyone else now is EXTENDED family, even your mom and dad. It’s nice to give a gift when it’s met without expectation. Your extended family just sounds greedy
pixie-ann − NTA I find Christmas revolting for many reasons, one is the insane financial stress it places on people. Don’t fret, I think your ramen n**dle flavor comment was hilarious 😂, but clearly your family didn’t and that’s actually who matters here.
Let the dust settle and maybe you can have a chat with a few people to apologise if you thinks it necessary. Buying gifts for 37-40 people is INSANE. It’s ridiculous. I don’t know anyone who buys for that many people.
Even with inexpensive gifts the amount of work involved to choose, wrap etc that many gifts is overwhelming. Do you actually spend Christmas with 40 people? Surely you aren’t the only one who baulks at the cost of buying for 40 people?
DistributionTime2438 − I would like ramen tho. What a bunch of uptight posers
Ancient-Wishbone4621 − Nope, f**k ’em. You can’t afford it. Christmas presents are not a necessity. 40 people is WAY too many gifts. And at $100 a pop? That’s – that’s $40,000. No. Absolutely not. Also, for your kid, remember he is 4. Hit up those thrift stores, clean the toys up a little, and he’ll be happy. Kids don’t care about packaging.. NTA
Do you think the user’s response was justified given her financial struggles, or was it too harsh for the situation? How would you handle managing expectations around holiday gifting in a large family? Share your thoughts below!